Posted in Reflections, short stories

if only…. (#short story)

ifonly_1

(Image Credits: Google Images)

He was lying there wounded and in pain.. She wanted to go to him, but he dint let her go any closer.. She stood there staring at him helpless and hurt, seeing him suffering.. She wanted to do something, but dint know what to do.. he wouldn’t let her even move close to him .. He said “you have broken my heart..you have hurt me..all your false promises broke me today..you used me” ..

Those words struck her heart and a sharp pain arose ..”I did not know how that happened.. I never wanted to hurt him..I had always tried my best to do all that I can, though I knew it was not enough! But I never wanted to hurt him.. I have always loved him dearly with all my heart” She thought .. She felt guilty, hurt and hopeless

She stood there staring at him with tears in her eyes and no words to defend herself.. He was bleeding and she felt of no use.. He looked at her fiercely and closed the door..For the first time she felt scared of him..She wanted to hold him and rest his head on her lap and tend to his wound, but she was not able to move even an inch .

He was angry and hurt due to her. He dint want to see her. He felt betrayed and hopeless. “I loved her so much and she dint care enough” he thought..

She sat there beside the door thinking of ways to make things right! She wanted to talk, reason out and find some way in which he would open the door and let her in.. But her brain couldn’t think of anything useful.. whatever she said sounded so lame and she was not sure if he even heard her.. Meanwhile a dull pain started in her head and she started feeling difficulty in breathing..

He was able to listen to her every word.. But he felt too numb with hurt to even respond.. He wanted her to do something.. do something and reach out to him.. Make him trust her again.. words were not enough for him…

Hours and hours went by and she couldn’t do anything.. “How can I save him just sitting here and talking.. I dont know what is going on his mind ..What can I do to fix things..” she thought

She felt weak and devoid of energy and her mind was not helping..

Feeling helpless and hopeless, she leaned against the wall and remembered all the good memories they had..

Tired and exhausted, he leaned against the wall and escaped into memories of them together..

Both of them, just remained there until they succumbed to the pain…

If only, the wall between them could be broken…

Advertisements
Posted in Reflections, short stories

an unplanned date..

Related image

(Pic Credits: Google Images)

I looked at my phone and dialed Rahul..”I want to shop for a money purse for my dad..can you help me”, I asked him. “Sure, I will call you back in five mins” he said. I had an office outing in the first half of the day and the second half was free.  He must be in office and busy, but I felt like asking him anyway.

I have known Rahul since the last two months. He is my friend’s colleague and has been trying a lot to ask me out. However, many things happened in the last couple of years in my life due to which I stopped thinking about love, relationship or guys.

Some days later, as we chatted on gtalk, I told him how I was not interested in all these things and he should not waste his time around me. I said “I don’t want to give you false hopes by befriending you”. But all he said was “The fact that I like you is my problem. I will take care of it. You don’t worry about it and just be my friend. That is all I want”. Very good at words, I dint know how to say no to that.

Today is the first time I have called him on my own. I was not sure why, but I decided to not think much and listen to my heart. As I was deeply immersed in my thoughts, my phone rang. He said “Can you come to marathalli. I enquired with my friends and they say we can find the money purse there. I could come and pick you, but my office is very far, so it would waste lot of time”.  I smiled at him trying to explain, after all he was helping me out here – why is he trying to explain to me.

I took an auto and reached marathalli. He was already there waiting for me. We checked couple of shops, but they dint have what I wanted.  As we were looking in the shops, it felt strange for me, after many years this was the first time I came out shopping with a guy. I wonder what was different in this guy, that made me do this.

We decided we better try at Commerical street, we will definitely find it there. He asked me to wait at the exit gate and he would get his bike from parking. As I waited there, I thought I was going to sit on a guy’s bike after many years. What am I doing? Is it OK? Am I giving hopes to this guy when I clearly was not ready for it? The sound of the horn, brought me back to reality – I had phased out again. He was there coming on his bike, and I must say, he looked very handsome. He stopped infront of me, took off his helmet and said “I wish I had a camera now, to capture the view. It is so beautiful”.  The way he looked into my eyes and said this, made my heart flutter and a hint of smile appear on my lips. He was obviously referring to me. Normally, listening to such lines, I would have felt how cheesy they are, but to my surprise I could feel myself blushing.

I quickly avoided his gaze and got onto the back seat. He was very good at driving, I was impressed by the way he maneuvered the Airport road traffic. We chatted some random stuff all along and I could notice him stealing glances at me through his bike mirror. “I am so happy today that a girl has got onto my bike” he said as we stopped at a traffic signal. “As if no other girl, got on your bike. Don’t tell me” I said.  “I mean, a girl who I like”.. I was a bit happy listening to this, but was worried at the same time. “Oh! No!! I am giving false indications” I thought. I decided to take control and said “Rahul, I told you how I felt. I can’t come with you if you feel that way about me.. ”. “Relax!” he said, “I am just telling you the truth. Besides, there is nothing you should feel so worried about. Don’t think much and just enjoy the moment. Life is all about memories”.

We reached commercial street and found a very good bag for dad. It started getting dark and the streets were illuminated. It looked beautiful. Walking on the streets with him by my side, talking all nonsense– it felt weird. Weird but nice, nice and fun. I actually liked spending time with him, but there was something stopping me from admitting it to myself.

The walking around and shopping made me hungry. We decided to stop at McD to grab a burger. As we sat there facing each other having our burgers, it felt nice and relaxing after a long day. We talked about our past crushes, office stories etc etc. Amidst all these, one thing I noticed was the way he looked at me. There was so much love in his eyes and I couldn’t dare to look straight into them. I was not able to hold eye contact for more than a second, don’t know why. Probably I felt, that way he will be able to peek into my soul and know how I started feeling about him. I know that sounds too filmy, but blame the number of Rom-Coms I watch :).

I realized that it was already 8pm and I was getting late. I wondered how fast time has flown. As we walked back to the bike parking, the roads were a bit deserted now. The cool night, the empty roads and the moon light, it felt nice to walk with him. I told him to walk slow as I was not able to catch up with him. He said, his mother is also like me, she walks slow and says the same. Somehow, I liked that he remembered his mother while being with me.

He promised to take me home before 9pm and we reached well in advance, thanks to his driving skills. As he dropped me off at my home, I thanked him for helping me out. He said he was glad I called him today and he had a wonderful time. As I said my Bye and walked towards the lift, I started thinking – all these feelings I felt today, are they real? I never thought I could feel this way about a guy again, after what happened in my past. He made me feel special, he made me feel loved. Should I be cautious, take a step back and avoid it? Or should I go with it?

For once, do not think much and let things happen…Just enjoy the moment.. you deserve some love…my heart told me… ❤

Posted in short stories

short story#1

Writing after a loooong gap.. trying to get back to this habit of writing…My first honest attempt on writing a short story.

===========================================================

(image downloaded from google)

He dint reply to my messages since last night. May be he is busy. I decided I will take couple of hours off from office during lunch time and get him some gift. Its his birthday soon.

Rahul is my best friend, scratch that – he is more than a friend. I don’t know how to define the relation, and never thought about it. We talk almost every day and share almost everything. As I searched for gift in the Archies shop, these thoughts ran in my head. I picked up a small glass mural with some nice words about friendship written and in the end it had a line “you are special to me”. I felt that sentence summarized what exactly I felt. We are staying in the same city, but I will have to courier the gift, as we decided we will not make any conscious attempt to meet. We will let fate decide. We thought it was more fun that way.

I knew Rahul from last three years, an accidental online friend, who became a chat buddy, then a phone friend and then a best friend. We shared our thoughts, ideas, happiness, sorrows – and talked almost every day. It was a unique friendship and special in its own way.

As I reached office, I tried calling him couple of times but no response. I sent couple of text messages, but in vain. I wondered what went wrong. As I reached home in the evening, I received a text message from him. Looking at his name on my phone, I felt a tinge of joy. I was all ready to fight with him that how could he be so busy to not respond to my calls since yesterday.  As I opened the text, it said “Hi, I am a friend of Rahul, sending this message to everyone in his contact list. He is no more due to an accident he met with last night. My condolences.”

I froze there reading the message. I wanted to read the message again, but my vision has blurred with the tears that filled my eyes. This cannot be true, he must be playing a prank on me, said my mind. I immediately called him, but there was no response. I called again hoping for the ringer to end and hear a voice, but no response again. There were million thoughts running in my head. Just today, I wanted to give him this gift and let him know he is special to me, but it never occurred to me, that his absence would hurt me so much. I felt as if I lost something very close to my heart. How could this happen, I dint even get to meet him.

I wondered where all these emotions are coming from, where are all these tears coming from. I never knew I felt so much for him. I picked up the phone again and dialled the number, a part of me knowing that there won’t be a response, but another part of me wishing for a miracle. The phone was just ringing mutely for some time and then suddenly I heard a “hello”. It was his voice..I was surprised, shocked, angry, happy all at the same time. He was saying “hello, are you there?” from the other side, but for a second I could not react. And then I started crying, crying and only crying. He started saying “sorry, sorry…dont cry..please”, but I could not react. After a couple of minutes, I could stopped crying and tried to be calm.

“I am sorry I sent a text that way. It was just a prank for couple of minutes. I was going to talk to you anyways. I got hurt last night and was in the hospital, thats why I couldn’t respond to the calls. I returned only sometime back and saw the calls on my phone. I sent this message to prank you, went to freshen up and came back and took your call. I dint imagine you would believe it. I made a terrible mistake. I am so sorry, I would never want to hurt you…” he was explaining and explaining.

it sank in that it was just a prank and all is well. I should have shouted at him, be angry at him or throw tantrums, but all I felt was gladness – a sense of peace. I was glad that he was fine. I was glad that I realized how I felt without him.  I was glad, I realized how I felt about him.

 

Posted in Reflections, short stories

one fine day..

Image result

“Why do u sound so low..what is wrong” he said on the phone. I was kind of succumbing to my depression and decided to take a day off. It was one of those days when I dint feel like getting out of bed, dint feel like seeing anyone. I just wanted to stare at walls and do nothing and cry for no reason at all.

I cant say there is no reason, but there are so many stress givers that I am not able to understand the reason for the sudden change in mood. I had to call Rahul to ask him to discuss regarding a meeting. Rahul is a very good friend of mine, 7 years younger to me who is much more like a brother..He texted in the morning to check on me as I told him the night before how I felt looping into depression.

I texted back “I am taking off” and he replied “its good for you. Use the time to read your fav book or watch something or cook your fav dish…” I knew all I wanted to do was “nothing”. When I called now, he noticed the difference in my voice and said I should not stay alone at home. He said atleast lets have lunch together, mom made puris for u. I dint want to disturb his day at office, but he insisted saying “wont u do this, if I needed it someday” and I dint have an answer.

So, we went out to a mall, where outside food is allowed. On the way to the mall, he tried making conversation which I was not able to respond properly..I wondered if I am troubling him too much.. As we reached the food court, he unpacked the puris his mom gave and i had a good lunch..slowly i started sharing things and he gave his perspective which lightened by heart..

I am told many times not to be emotionally dependent, but at times like this, a good friend by the side definitely helps. Lets go for bowling, he said after we finished lunch. I said, don’t u want to go back to office. “Am not going to leave until I see the smile back in your eyes” he said. Work will always be there, but memories of bunking office for bowling will stay forever..” He said.

Thus we went ahead for bowling..initially, my score was higher than Rahul’s and we made a deal! Whoever loses the game has to do what the winner says..and who scores a strike will get an icecream from the other..only after the deal i realized how he bluffed initially and won with such a margin later..but no regrets, as I started picking the game and was happy with myself..

By the end of the game, i was beaming and surprised that i was back to normal. I dint know whether it is right or wrong to depend on someone. But the purpose of life is to be happy, so if u trust the person and it helps recover, a bit of shoulder to lean on always helps. We had our icecream and as I started back home I realized how lucky I am to find a person like him who would look after me as his own sister…how lucky to find a brother,best friend sent by God Himself!!! 🙂